Two-step Tutorials: Veil and Table Runner

I know I have been promising to write a veil tutorial forever, and I just have been putting it off. Plus, tulle-on-ivory-carpet is not the easiest thing to photograph. Today's explanation of how I successfully made a walking length double layer veil for $16 will be pretty sparse on photos; rather, I'll describe the tutorials and references that helped me. Next, I'll explain the easiest sewing project you can take on for your wedding: table runners.

The Veil

My DIY veil ambition began when I started reading other tutorials about how easy (and cheap) they are to make, looonnnng before I was even engaged. I thought it was a phenomenal idea even as my ideal veil style changed from mantilla (expensive) to horse hair trimmed (very expensive) to this simple two layer/two length veil I tried on at David's Bridal:

http://www.davidsbridal.com/Product_Two-tier-Walking-Length-Veil-with-Raw-Edge-VW370025

When I found my dress, we paired it with a very similar raw-edge veil with a more rounded shape. Ultimately, that's what I ended up re-creating.

This tutorial was one of my most helpful references - I'm so sorry I don't have the patience to spell it out step-by-step like the lovely blogger did. Then again, she wrote her tutorial after her wedding, so maybe I'm not completely hopeless. In any case, she provides some extremely helpful links and I referred to this one extensively/exclusively while measuring and cutting my tulle. I ended up purchasing 108" wide ivory tulle, a metal hair comb, and see-through thread from Jo-Ann's. The hardest part was definitely sewing the gathered strip across the top of my veil fold and then sewing the veil to the comb, as clear thread is REALLY tricky to work with! I used regular fabric scissors to cut and round the edges of my giant tulle rectangle. Make sure you don't round the wrong corner when the tulle is folded in fourths like I initially did! Luckily, I had plenty of extra tulle to work with, and it's cheap anyway. Like the old saying goes, "measure twice, cut once."

In short, if the professional seamstress who has been altering my dress thinks my veil looks good, any one who does a little research can definitely make a simple veil for much less than you'll find in a store. And hey, if you're really anti-crafty, I'll bet your mom or aunt or friend Nicole can help you out.

Table Runners

I think table runners can really add a rich, elegant feel to your reception tables, even on a budget. To keep my budget (and sanity) in check, I opted to only make a few table runners for the "King's Table" (head table), dessert table, and card table. Plus, if you're going for a 12" wide table runner, 54" wide fabric should give you 4 table runners with plenty of room for hemming the edges. I waited for this fabric to go on sale and ordered 5 yards (15 feet) of it - partially so I'd have some extra and partially so I could qualify for free shipping.

Our king's table is going to be 9 feet long, and I wanted a 1.5 foot overhang on either side of the table. The gift and dessert tables will be 8 feet long, so I decided to simplify things and make all of the runners 12 feet long - the overhang can just be a little longer on the shorter tables. Luckily, the straight lines of the fabric made it quite easy to cut and eventually sew. After I cut the fabric into 4 equal runners, I got out my iron and pressed and pinned one long edge of one runner, then sewed it before I repeated for the other side and the short ends.

Without a kitchen table in the new house, I had to improvise. Today, I am sewing on a confusing piece of furniture that resembles both a standing-height hamper and a bedside table, and it's working out great.

My sewing machine is a $50 mini-guy from Big Lots with a f-ed up bobbin winder, but I'll bet if you have a real sewing machine you could press/pin/sew all 4 edges at once. It's a simple project that I think will add a lot of impact for not too much money - and of course, I'll definitely attempt to sell them on Craigslist after the wedding.


Sewing might seem a bit old-fashioned, but I think it's fun to be able to create easy (read: straight-line sewing) things like curtains, table runners, and pillows. What would you sew for your wedding?

What is HoneyFund? and other registry musings

Since I've had a few people ask me about our registries, I thought it would be helpful to do a quick rundown on our less-traditional HoneyFund registry!

Ben and I recently celebrated 2 years of living together and with our fur baby Gypsy. In that time, we've accumulated a lot of the household items that hallmark true adulthood: a Kitchen Aid stand-mixer, non-hand-me-down pots and pans, a good vacuum cleaner, a food processor, and more pint glasses than we know what to do with. We have bedding, shower curtains, a rolling pin, and a meat thermometer. Thus, we wanted to keep our registries realistic about what we truly need. I am terrified of household clutter so we really evaluated what household items we were lacking and which needed to be replaced before making our Target registry. It literally had 10 things at first, but we slowly added a few more as relatives began to request that we do so!

Lake-of-the-Ozarks, MO: Amazing, but not quite Caribbean.

However, what this bride and groom are truly hoping for is a dream vacation to Jamaica. Enter HoneyFund: the honeymoon registry! In a nutshell, HoneyFund is a methodical way of itemizing and collecting pledges toward your honeymoon. As the website advertises, some couples have been gifted with the funds to travel to places as exotic as Bali, Paris, New Zealand, and Africa! We chose a January/February 2015 Jamaican honeymoon because a) two meteorologists traveling to the Caribbean during hurricane season seems like a poor choice; b) escaping Wisconsin during the winter will feel amazing! and c) we want to do our first international travel at a relatively 'close' destination. We selected an all-inclusive resort because...well, it's easy! That, and Ben likes to eat.

We organized our HoneyFund registry into various price ranges: sponsoring part of a night of resort stay, a romantic candlelit dinner, our airline tickets, excursions to Jamaica's natural wonders, and scuba diving lessons are all options! I think that often, a non-material gift can feel impersonal. With HoneyFund, the gift-giver knows which part of the vacation they are sponsoring and can directly connect with the experience that results from their gift.

With all of that said, attending a wedding is time-consuming and expensive. I used to think registries were kind of selfish until I realized they are really more of a convenience for the busy guest who wants to give a gift, but doesn't want to get the bride and groom something impractical. Some of our local guests are graciously contributing homemade desserts to serve at our reception dessert bar, and that is the perfect example of how love can go so much farther than a traditional gift. We hope that no one feels compelled to bring presents, but rather, understands how much their presence means to us!

First and Final meetings

We just got home from a busy weekend in St Louis, and it feels great to have accomplished so much! The 5.5 hour drive from Milwaukee is a lot easier than the 8 hours from Oklahoma, and for that I am thankful.

First, we went to our venue, the 9th Street Abbey, for a meeting with our event manager. She was wonderful! We went through a long checklist of details and she was more than helpful in suggesting ways to make the day run as smoothly as possible. She is going to be on-site for our whole event, which I feel is really an added benefit to choosing an experienced team like Patty Long Catering Company. We essentially got a Day-of-Coordinator included in the cost of our venue and catering. Then, we made a quick stop at Square One Brewery and Distillery to meet the event coordinator for the rehearsal dinner. Although new to the position, she was also delightful and we were happy to snag some refreshing beers - try the Oh Hawaii, brewed with pineapples! - before moving on to our appointment with the pianist, Dave Becherer. He played through our song selections and was amazing. Once I told him I had played in many wedding quartets, he really spoke to me like a musician and was open to my ideas. I can't wait for him to unveil (har har) our unique song choices on October 5!

The following day, Ben was off playing golf with friends, so I spent the rainy morning coordinating RSVPs and decor ideas with my future mother-in-law. Since it's a hobby of hers, she has generously offered to make us wreaths for the beautiful green Abbey doors. Speaking of floral projects, Ben and I also made a trip to Harold's Wholesale Florist to scope out flower quantities. I came in with a spreadsheet of approximate quantities and types of flora I will be using in the bouquets and boutonnieres, and the employee who helped us was so enthusiastic and encouraging. The $75 second prize we won from the Blooms By the Box contest doesn't go nearly as far as it would at the local wholesaler, so if you have one in your area I would highly encourage checking there first! I left feeling really confident about this DIY project and I look forward to doing it! I will have to do an update about planning for bouquets after I place both orders (which should come in at around $100 out-of-pocket! For reference, some bridal bouquets alone cost that much.).

Finally, we got to see a few close friends (including the bride and groom in the photo below) for puppy playing, dinner, and birthday drinks. I can't believe it has been 2 years since this picture was taken and that now it's almost our turn!

Checking off the to-do list

Since the 2-month mark has come and gone, I have been on a mad dash to check some things off of our To-Do list. Here's a quick rundown of what I've accomplished!

• We're going to St. Louis next weekend to meet with our venue and rehearsal dinner venue, deliver more supplies to my gracious in-laws' basement, and get a few other plans in place. I can't wait to visit the 9th Street Abbey in the summer since we have only seen it with dead-ivy and empty flower garden!
• Remember the green split-pea vase filler I decided on for our centerpieces? I found almost the exact amount I was looking for on Craigslist from a seller in Rockford, Illinois - which happens to be on our route to St Louis. We'll pick them up on our way next weekend, and I'm thrilled with the deal! 
• Speaking of Craigslist, I also found two 49" tall vases being sold for $50, which was half of what I had already paid when I bought the identical vases at Pier One just a few weeks prior! I returned the originals and saved $50. 
• I also purchased a cake knife and server from Pier One for $13, which is just $3 more than renting them from our venue. I thought about borrowing these from a friend, but figured that since they are generic-looking we'll have use for them in the future.

• I found the final touches for my Bridesmaids' gifts. My goal was to find something practical, non-cheesy, and still reminiscent of our wedding theme or St. Louis itself (without being overtly '10-5-14 bridesmaid #benandnicoleforlife'). I should have known that Target would have the answer. Let's just say that my solution is both seasonally-appropriate for autumn and adorable.
• I laid-out for the first time in Wisconsin. Oh-my-gosh I needed a tan. It's still a work in progress.
• I found turks-head cuff-links for Ben for $10 at Stein Mart. He likes the style because of his experience with knot-tying as a Boy Scout.
• We got a lot of RSVPs, and I began the seating chart using The Knot's guest list manager! At this point, I can estimate the remaining responses and guess that we will have around 150 guests, which is what we budgeted for (phew!). But hey, if you're one of the ones who hasn't responded, we'd still love to hear from you! You've got 3 more weeks!
• Aside: I am so sorry to every friend who has ever suffered from my RSVP procrastination. When I knew my response had to be disappointing, I waited as long as possible to reply. I think that's human nature to not want to "let down" your friend or loved one. What I know now is that declining two months before means the bride and groom can re-designate funds to a toasted ravioli bar; declining two days before the RSVP deadline doesn't help them much at all. Sometimes guests really do need as much time as possible to decide if they can make it, and sometimes it's better to just rip off that band-aid. I get it now.
• I started collecting music for the playlist. It's been so fun to see people's RSVP responses to "what song will get you on the dance floor?"
• I sent some feedback to our officiant regarding the first draft of our ceremony script and started working on my vows. After all, that 'getting married' part? THAT'S the important stuff.

We Did It: Dress Fitting #1

Even though "we" did accomplish a big milestone this weekend, Ben had nothing to do with it! Rather, my friend Kristen came to visit from the Minneapolis/St. Paul area so that I would have someone to attend my first dress fitting with. She was immensely helpful and I was so thankful she was able to visit.

First, we attended my fitting in downtown Milwaukee at Zita Bridal Salon. The seamstress there welcomes gowns purchased outside of the store and I felt really comfortable talking to her from the first time I called to inquire. Once we arrived, my worries about picking 'the right' dress increased, as every gown in the store was more beautiful than every dress I had looked at - I bet they were also more expensive than every dress I looked at, too. But, I put my dress on and I still loved it! The pinning began, and then we experimented with accessories. The seamstress was great at suggesting jewelry and had some insightful observations about styling that I never would have considered; she even complimented my homemade veil, saying, "Good for you - you only wear it for an hour anyway!" [I know, I know. I still owe you all a veil tutorial.] We celebrated the fitting success with drinks and bruschetta, but unfortunately, thunderstorms cancelled our plans to attend a food truck beach party near downtown. We spent the rest of the weekend laying out on the beach, grilling, shopping for bridal accessories, and watching Animal Planet's Too Cute on Netflix. It was a great weekend spent with a great friend.

Luckily, Kristen is able to join me again for my second fitting before we head off to the Chicago bachelorette party that my friends from Oklahoma planned. Speaking of which, can you believe that all 6 girls traveling to Chicago will be running the Magnificent Mile Women's 5k while we're in town?! I think it will be an amazing girls' weekend and I can't wait!

Wedding Wednesday Roundup

We have gotten a lot of planning done in the past few weeks, and all the work so far has culminated in sending out our online invitations last night. It is awesome to already see RSVPs in our wedding email inbox, complete with hilarious song requests from our family and friends (infinite loop of Soulja Boy, anyone?). I am using The Knot's guest list manager to cross-check our responses from Paperless Post and to include those relatives that received paper invitations. I am going to try and stay on top of this process so that it doesn't become a huge headache two months from now, but so far I am really happy with the advantages of wedding interwebs tools.

Our officiant Ruth Ellen Hasser also sent us a rough draft of the ceremony last week, and it is a great start! Despite how much I enjoy writing, I have always been hesitant about creating our own vows as unstructured statements to each other; how can you possibly find the right combination of words and emotions? Ben, however, had a strong preference for writing our own vows and I eventually agreed to it. I look forward to having an element of surprise in the ceremony.

My dress arrived in Oklahoma several weeks earlier than estimated and it was then shipped to our new Wisconsin home. Yes, I did screech and run outside barefoot as I saw the UPS truck pull up. I have scheduled an alterations appointment for the end of July and my lovely friend Kristen will be visiting from Minneapolis-St. Paul that weekend to join me for it! Although most of it fits extremely well, I can't wait to see the dress at length I can walk in.

And, believe it or not, I finally did make my veil. I will dedicate a separate post to it, although it won't actually be an in-depth tutorial; I was so unconfident about it turning out alright that I purposefully neglected to take pictures of the process! After being eaten alive by too many yards of tulle and making one wrong cut, I thought I'd never finish the project. However, it all worked out and I think the veil looks exactly like what I tried on in the boutique where I found my dress.

The photo/guest book arrived, and unfortunately it did have a few printing defects (like ink splotches on intentionally-blank pages). However, My Publisher's customer service was outstanding and quick-to-respond with a replacement order. What should we do with the less-than-perfect copy?

Finally, we spent this week's Wedding Wednesday updating our registries at Honeyfund and Target. We wanted to keep the Target registry pretty minimal since we already have most things for our home (we did, in fact, give in and buy an awesome Shark vacuum last week rather than waiting 3 more months for one) but have had trouble deciding on a few items we really need (actual dishes, knife set, etc). We really don't want to go overboard and add a 3rd registry, so we may just drop some detailed hints to our parents. ;-) We are also considering purchasing an upgrade for our Honeyfund registry in order to remove the ads and give it a more professional look.

Since Ben is still on training shifts in his new job, he gets the holiday and weekend off. We can't wait to finally get our new furniture and explore Milwaukee's celebrations. Have a great 4th of July, everyone!

We Did It: Engagement Photos

Our engagement session in Cleveland followed a remarkably close timeline to that of moving chaos. While at the airport to depart Oklahoma City for Cleveland, Ben received an email requesting his first interview for the National Weather Service in Milwaukee. Our awesome photographers (check out their new website!) sent us the sneak peek of our photos as Ben received his first job offer and participated in the Spring commencement ceremony (during which time we also hosted his parents and a big graduation party); we got access to all of our epic photos while packing up our house. Dare I say there might be an excuse for this untimely post?

Despite planning the engagement session from 1,000 miles away, it went off without a hitch. It had been raining for days, but the sun came out for our afternoon downtown with For the Moment Photography's Dustin and Amanda. I had the cutest outfit of shorts, embellished sandals, and a button-up planned.... until I remembered what May in Ohio can be like (read: super chilly, especially on the Lake when it's also extremely breezy - did our hair NO favors). I ended up wearing jeans and buying a blanket to use as a practical photo prop at the last minute, and we braved through the beginning of our session on the beach.

We then headed to quaint Ohio City where we grabbed a quick bite to eat and took photos at Market Garden Brewery and outside Great Lakes Brewery. Although the original plan was to take the bulk of our photos at the more-iconic Great Lakes, I was completely unfazed when we realized that their brewpub turned out to be closed on Sundays; I love the photos we took at Market Garden and actually prefer their beer anyway! Because I had dreamed of taking wedding photos with my veil blowing in the wind on Lake Erie, we ended the session on the East 9th St Pier in downtown Cleveland at 'golden hour.' Dustin and Amanda were so patient as we went from location to location and we felt like we were just hanging out with friends, which made it easy to avoid a stressful session. We are completely gracious for the time they spent traveling to photograph us in my favorite city. Please check out their blog post or visit our Pass Gallery to see more photos!

My advice for any couple planning a long-distance engagement session is to spend time researching where you want to be photographed and communicate with your photographer. We planned the order of our locations based off of proximity to one another and the opportunity to change outfits at the restaurant half-way through. Speaking of outfits, make sure to plan accordingly for the weather, says the meteorologist who froze her butt off on the beach. I had my doubts about the long-sleeve, flow-y blouse I chose, and I should have listened to my gut as I don't think it photographed in the most flattering way. A form-fitting but light sweater would have been a better option [currently kicking myself for not thinking of my favorite gray cowl-neck, which I had already packed away in my 'out of season' box during the height of warm Oklahoma spring]. On the other hand, I LOVED how the green dress and accessories I chose turned out in the photos. The colors really pop and look great against a variety of scenery.

The engagement session was a great way to practice being in front of the camera and I think the experience will help us tremendously when taking photos on our wedding day. I recently purchased a My Publisher Groupon and made a photo book/guest book using the engagement photos so that our St. Louis guests can get a taste of Cleveland, too. I think we will look at it more often than a traditional, sign-on-the-line guest book and I can't wait for it to arrive.

Thank you again to For the Moment Photography!

We Did It: Invitations

Wowee, wedding season is in full swing among my friends and peers! Shoutout to a good friend (no really, her family adopted me for a summer while I was an intern in her hometown) and fabulous fashionista "seester," Annie White from Success on Stilettos on her recent engagement. I can't wait to see the beautiful wedding look she will undoubtedly put together.

On my end, the moving-induced wedding-planning hiatus is officially over, and boy does it feel grand! We have been in our new home near Milwaukee, WI for two weeks now and are really enjoying the landscape and location. I have never been so excited to see pine trees - I hadn't even realized I missed them! The way-of-life and culture here is much more similar to St Louis and Cleveland than in Oklahoma, so Ben and I think we fit in quite well.

While there are many small tasks we managed to check off before the packing and moving began (wedding bands! engagement photos!), I want to first jump back in with a quick post about our invitation approach. Since most of our family and friends are internet-savvy, we decided early on that a cost-effective way to handle Save-the-Dates and invitations would be to utilize Paperless Post, a website that allows you to design custom invitations to send via e-mail. You really must see one to understand how cool this service is; upon opening the email, the recipient (for an additional charge for the sender) views an interactive envelope addressed with your name on it. Click on the envelope and the invitation pops out as if it were in your own hands. A simple click enables you to RSVP, which is linked back to and tracked by the sender's account. No addressing envelopes, buying stamps, or keeping track of paper RSVP cards. In my opinion, this concept is a win-win-win: environmentally friendly, convenient, and low-cost! Plus, as a guest with a smart phone, you always have the invitation and wedding information at your fingertips and don't have any guilt about eventually throwing away the bride and groom's invitation masterpiece.

This is what our tech-savvy guests will receive in their email. Navy-and-natural!

However, there are a few family members on our guest list (love you, grandmas and grandpas!) that will require paper invitations; of course, we'd like some printed ones for pictures and posterity as well. Paperless Post allows you to order any invitation or card designed online as a paper version, but we found this to be too expensive for the relatively small number we'd be ordering. So instead, I picked up some plain white printable invitations at Target on clearance (30 invitations and envelopes for $15) and poured my wannabe graphic-designer soul into creating a modern, casual invitation design. Let me tell you, I spent HOURS playing with different font families - I chose the ornamental one after my photographer posted it on Pinterest (thanks, Amanda)! Despite the bit of extra time and effort, I really like how they came out. Sure, the mismatch between the online and paper version bothered me a tiny bit at first, but it was kind of fun to design two invitations. Plus, if you're using The Knot's website builder you can even import a Paperless Post theme, so I'm appeased that our online invitations match our website.

Sorry about the photo quality, but trust me- they came out great!

Would you ever send online invitations? The most common criticism I've heard is that online invitations don't abide by etiquette, but to that I say, Welcome to 2014. ;-)

Laser Speed & The Black Box

Lately, I feel like time is flying by quicker than I can keep up with it! It feels as though one weekend concludes and another begins after a blink of an eye (which is definitely not a bad thing). According to our website, there are only 157 days until the wedding! Here's a laser speed update of what's been going on.

The Black Box. Within the past few months, the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) ceased its hiring freeze and opened around 50 entry-level National Weather Service (NWS) vacancies. Based on the locations in which I think I could find a job, Ben applied to 39 different NWS offices spanning the country from Miami to Anchorage. The great news is that he has made it through the infamous "black box" first round of the application process for all of the regions he has applied to so far! In ordinary circumstances we would be very excited to pack up and move to a new place, but with the wedding approaching there is definitely a degree of location-based stress. The added irony is that Ben and I met via a NOAA scholarship program that was essentially a big recruitment stunt (that paid for half of my college degree, mind you).. yet now we sit and wait for NOAA to control our future yet again! The toughest part is that with so many vacancies open at once, there is no way to preference locations and Ben will have to accept any position he may be offered no matter its location. Yet, we are remaining positive and hoping for the best.

Rehearsal dinner. Upon winning 2nd place in the Blooms by the Box contest (thanks again to everyone who voted!) and deciding to do all of my own flower bouquets and boutonnieres, I began to doubt how feasible organizing a rehearsal dinner cookout would be. Once Ben's parents realized that St Louis city parks close at sunset, I was motivated to return to my original rehearsal dinner idea: Square One Brewery and Distillery. Ben and I ate here for my birthday a few years ago and it was amazing; plus, it's only a mile from our venue. Despite having only communicated via e-mail, their event coordinator has been a godsend. In fact, my experience working with Square One has been so positive that I think I may ask to interview her for a future post! We were able to work out a menu that still stays in the price range we were envisioning for the cookout by opting for a regular reservation in the Brewhouse rather than the upstairs banquet room, which requires linens and certain meal selections. This works perfectly for our group, as we needed a handicap-accessible space with a casual atmosphere. The icing on the cake is that our guests will be invited on a brewery tour before dinner is served!

Engagement photos. Eeek! We leave on Friday to travel to Cleveland for our engagement session with Amanda and Dustin. The forecast for Sunday has slight chances for rain and a bit of cloudiness, but I am optimistic that it will be clear by the time we begin shooting. I even read an Area Forecast Discussion for the first time in years (read: since undergrad) to get a better sense of the weather setup for the weekend, and it does seem that I will not be wearing shorts as I had planned to!
I have to admit that I'm a little terrified to be in front of the camera. First, Ben and I do not usually go all out on PDA so we are going to have to save all of our mushiness for Sunday! Second, I started using a prescription topical skin medication called Epiduo about 5 weeks ago, and it has been intermittently turning my skin into a red, itchy mess with no tolerance for makeup. Luckily, I have noticed a big improvement this week and seem to have finally adjusted to it. I just hope I remember how to put on makeup and that it photographs well!

In summary, it's been a busy few weeks and I apologize to anyone who's noticed how spacey I have been lately!

Wedding Wednesday: Hotel alternatives

There are some adorable places to stay in the historic Soulard neighborhood of St Louis.

My goal for the past few weeks has been to choose and reserve a place for Ben and I to stay on our wedding night, and I finally checked this item off my list today! Our wedding guests are invited to reserve their rooms in our wedding block at the Westin St. Louis according to the directions on our website (see the 'guest information' page), but we wanted to select something out-of-the-box for our own newlywed lodging. If you're reading this and thinking 'yeah right, they just didn't want to stay at the same hotel as their family after the wedding!' ...you are absolutely correct.

However, after researching vacation rentals in the historic Soulard area, I was also really motivated to find a place that Ben and I could easily walk to after the reception. It turns out that there are at least three apartments within 0.1 miles of our venue! All of them start at $160/night and have two-night minimums, but sleep at least 4 people comfortably. Ben and I selected this one, which sleeps 7, so that he and his groomsmen can stay there the night before the wedding and arrive at the 9th Street Abbey early to deliver and set up some of our decor. After the reception, he and I will stumble/crawl/sleepwalk back. The other two apartments we considered are owned by the same person, but they have additional charges for the 3rd and 4th guests and had less pre-wedding sleeping space for the groomsmen. However, maybe one of these places will be a good fit for friends or family who wish to spend a long weekend in St Louis. Check 'em out here and here and under the guest information page on our website.

My only hesitation with this choice is that it might be more economical for an entire family to rent the larger apartment, since there is plenty of space to spread out and it would be cheaper than getting multiple hotel rooms; Ben and the groomsmen would survive just fine in one of the smaller apartments and goodness knows he and I don't need 3 bedrooms and 3 bathrooms to ourselves. If any of the aunts/uncles and their families or groups of friends are interested in this, please let me know so I can make the appropriate changes and reserve one of the smaller places as well! The weekend of our wedding is the first of post-season baseball, so the other two apartments are sure to be booked quickly.

We Did It: Non-floral Centerpieces

Once upon a time, I bought centerpieces before I was engaged. The evening before I was engaged, in fact, while I pranced around the house in a "Texas-style" veil I had made for my friend's bachelorette party in Austin that weekend. Ben said nothing at the irony and agreed that the post-Christmas sale (which led me to the centerpieces in the first place) was worth buying 22 of one item before there was a ring on my finger. One. Day. Before.

To be fair, I knew it was coming some time in the next few months. Ben and I had visited venues over the holidays, crafted our guest list, and knew an approximate range of how many people we could expect to show up. I did not know, however, that post-holiday sales could be so magical for someone planning a non-winter wedding. White string lights at 90% off, sure, but when I found these babies on Bed Bath and Beyond's website....

... I knew we had to make some premature decisions for the sake of a bargain. With my guest attendance range in mind, I did a quick mental calculation: I knew that 22 was a safe maximum number of tables, and at around $5 each with free shipping over $100, I could achieve a pretty striking-but-cost-effective centerpiece plan. [At this point I explained the urgency of the situation to Ben and he agreed that the branches looked cool and I was partially insane, but that it was a good idea to go ahead and buy them.] So, dreaming of twinkling branches under the Abbey's giant ceilings, I did. And then the engagement became an official thing the next day. The things I'll do for a bargain.

A few weeks later, I purchased batteries while they were 50% off at CVS, which brought the total-per-centerpiece to $6.41, and refocused on finding a branch receptacle. I actually had two aunts offer to help me with finding vases, as one had just held a vow renewal and the other works at Libbey Glass and gets a great discount. Because the branches are so tall and needed a good deal of support, I selected a few trial vases from Libbey and had them shipped to me. Ben and I (yes, he did share his opinion on this matter - what a great involved fiance!) decided that a simple 10" cylinder vase would be just right and my aunt generously offered to get them for us! However, the branches also needed a filler for extra support so that they wouldn't tip over the vase. After buying a few little bags of those shiny stones at Michael's (I used a coupon on a $1.50 item, duh) and deciding they didn't have the look I wanted, I searched Pinterest for a more natural-looking alternative and came across green split peas. I bought 1.5 lbs of these at Sprouts from the bulk bins for a whopping total of $1.60 and crossed my fingers.

Et voila! 

I love the peas and based on preliminary research, I think I can get the 38ish lbs I need at a much better price in bulk online. But let's just assume I spend $1.60/vase, which brings my total cost-per-centerpiece to $8.00! Seriously. That's pretty darn good compared to even the most simple of centerpieces from a florist.

The great thing about not having a strict dual-color plan for my wedding is that the gold branches - which are a bit more sparkly than I was expecting - still work in my "navy and natural" color palette. They're natural and the green peas are natural and I think with the venue-provided votive candles and navy blue napkins, our tables will look high-impact... but with a low-impact dent on our budget.

One final note: if I told you our budget and what chunk of it the catering consumes, you would probably ask why in the world we're having centerpieces at all. Well, the answer is that it's a relatively small temporary investment that I plan to recoup quickly. I will have these posted on Craigslist before the wedding day even happens; as in, I'm going to try to sell these before we depart for our mini-honeymoon. Based on my extensive knowledge of the Craigslist wedding marketplace (heck yes I looked for a wedding dress there), proper spelling/punctuation, a few pictures, and a fair price should get these off of my hands relatively quickly. They would look wonderful at a winter wedding, too! Anyone know someone who may want to buy them? ;-)

Wedding pet-peeves

Strangling: a great way to start your life with another person.

"It's the bride's day."
"The wedding day is the most important day of your [a bride's] life."*

People, it's time that we talked about these phrases. Before I lay the smack down, I want to preface my post with the notion that these are just my opinions and you're entitled to disagree with me. However, I believe that if we started to think more critically about what we're actually insinuating by saying things like this, people would use these phrases (and similar ones) less-often.

Let's start with the former. The point of a marriage is to unify two people, is it not? This unification might be shared with God or another deity, or it could be civil, but it is NEVER just a celebration of one person. Why in the world would a wedding day belong to only the bride (and what if there is no bride, or two brides?)? Did the bride oversee the creative vision of the cake and centerpieces and now has a right to enjoy it alongside of her spouse? Then say that. Does the bride need a little extra wiggle room in the photography timeline because it takes her 15 minutes to pee in the equivalent of a white tulle circus tent wrapped around her body or because the bridesmaids drank too many mimosas and one dropped her bouquet in a puddle? Then say that. But rationalizing a single person's behavior or expectations on the day of her/his formal union to another person makes absolutely no sense. It's not the bride's day. It's not the groom's day. It's the couple's day - or else there would be no marriage to speak of in the first place.

Now, about the wedding day being the "most important day of your life." I can see how this could be true for a given person's life up to the day of marriage. It is a big commitment worth celebrating, and all of the associated pomp and circumstance certainly renders the day an exciting one. I can understand how solidifying a union in a religious matter is a profound turning-point for some couples' life journey in faith. But for those couples who plan to start a family, is your $20,000 sparkle party more important than the day your child/children are born? It is more important than the day you buy your first home together or achieve your dream job or finish that 1st or 2nd or 3rd degree? Or is the wedding day just the first important day on a long list of important days that you and your spouse will share together?

I would love to hear your opinions on this. Am I a whole batch of crazy who happens to take semantics too literally, or does the fact that a bride-strangling-groom cake topper exists make you twitch in your seat a little?

*Edit: Keep the comments coming! Rachael is totally right about the lack of differentiation between "wedding" and "marriage." I agree 100% that the day you commit to marriage - whether that's in the form of an elaborate party called a wedding or simply an elopement on a mountain - does indeed lay the foundation for the rest of your partnership and everything that follows thereafter (kids, house, etc). What I meant to explain my frustration for is the thought that a wedding day is the most important day in a woman's life, as if anything she accomplishes individually will pale in comparison to the day she got married. The 1950's housewife mentality behind that statement is actually what grinds my gears. So feel free to share your thoughts on that distinction as well!

The Need for Repetition

Over the weekend, Ben and I officially fizzled our way into some sort of lackluster conclusion to the Beachbody P90x3 workout program. I wish I could insert this post into my "We Did It" category, but unfortunately we ended with both accomplishments and a few regrets.

I asked Ben to get me the P90x3 system for Christmas, and we started doing it together right away after getting engaged. [Side note: It was so cool to see an old classmate and cheerleading teammate appear in two of the workouts! Holla at ya, Lauren McNiel/ Murray, you rocked it!] Having been the type of person that didn't like to grunt or even breath too loud while doing 30 Day Shred workouts in the kitchen while Ben played video games in another room, I would say that P90x3 brought us muchhhh closer together. ;-) For 90 days, we did the workouts together in the garage or living room immediately after work; in total, we only missed about 5 of them. For me, getting on this type of regimen was a huge step forward and something I can be proud of. I can definitely do more push ups than I have ever done in my life and I can't believe how long I can hold a side-arm balance. I still can't do a pull up, but Ben can do way more that when he started. Although I only lost around 5 pounds, I know that I have gained muscle and toned up in many areas.

The eating plan was our downfall, although we did make many positive chances such as swapping out white tortillas/english muffins/breads for whole-grains and exchanging trail mixes and nuts for chips. Ben eats a sandwich for lunch on most days and he has completely replaced mayo with avocado. In the end, we both realized that following the meal plan more strictly is essential to seeing the type of results that are advertised. I admit that I utilized very little self-control when it came to things like eating out on the weekends and drinking beer or sugary mixed drinks. Personally, my goal will never be to eradicate social dinner and drinks completely; life is too short not to enjoy it with your friends now and then! Rather, I am hoping to better plan for and eat the proper proportions (according to the P90x3 meal plan), add a protein powder-based shake to my breakfast options, drink more water, and lift heavier weights for the second iteration of this program. There is an off-day built into the schedule with an optional workout, and I think I will begin running on that day while the weather is still pleasant.

For now, my biggest goal is to act on these improvements before Ben and I travel to Cleveland for our engagement photos (where we will undoubtedly smother ourselves in Great Lakes beer and Melt grilled cheese sandwich monstrosities).

Aesthetic: Colors

"What are your wedding colors?"

This is probably one of the most common questions - after "when's the big day?" - asked by strangers or acquaintances to show genuine interest in one's wedding planning, and for most people it's also the easiest question to answer. You can easily change your mind about your processional song or cake flavor, but wedding colors permeate through the entire planning process from beginning to end. The idea of a color duality dominates everything, from the invitations to the flowers and the apparel to the programs. Furthermore, the colors a couple chooses can immediately give insight into what kind of people they are. Red-and-white: a classic couple. Hot pink and black: a fun-loving couple (or bride). Pale blue and yellow: an easy-going couple. You get the idea.

So when I was asked this simple question at least 10 times over the weekend, you would think I'd have a straightforward answer like every other normal person. But alas, one of the biggest personality traits that Ben and I share is a desire to break rules and be a little different than everyone else. Today, I'll advocate for the concept of wedding color palettes. I personally feel that wedding style is moving away from the matchy-matchy look and more toward inspiration similar to interior design; thus, I've confidently deviated from the tradition of two distinct wedding colors and have opted for an array of complimenting tones and textures instead. Officially, I've been calling our color palette 'navy and natural:' a mix of navy (inspired by the sapphires in my ring), leafy greens, wooden tones, and cloudy gray and white.

Color palette inspiration can come in multiple forms: basic color swatches, a collage of photos or elements you like, or even just a single image. As far as I'm concerned, chevron, sequins, lace, glitter, or wood are all viable patterns and textures that can be included along with your colors. Here's a great example of a wedding that has done exactly that, and I think it's fabulous and fashion-forward! Notice how the gray, lavender, pink, navy and creams in the bridal party's attire all look classic and complimentary, but not rigid. The greenery in the bouquets provides a nice contrast to the muted tones. They've added sparkly elements and chevron for pops of modernity and fun. The combination of these design elements would translate nicely to a living room or little girl's room, don't you think?

Although I certainly acknowledge that it's not for everyone, there's my pitch for the wedding color palette. If assembling design elements seems as daunting as renovating your kitchen, you can hire a wedding designer just to create the "look" of your wedding (although I bet that costs a pretty penny). However, whenever I have spent a few minutes fretting over what vase filler to use in my centerpieces or worrying about the absence of an aisle-runner, I think of an important piece of wisdom courtesy of APW: you won't remember how your wedding looked, you'll remember how it felt. While all of this flower-centerpiece-creative-color-palette nonsense is extremely fun for me now, I truly hope that I'll look back on my wedding day and remember smiling faces and the feeling of joy above all else.

Blooms by the Box: Contest update!

There she is. Haunting your dreams yet? 

I've been patiently holding off on writing a new post since I have been torturing every social media outlet with flower spam for the past week. So here's a quick update about our entry in the Blooms by the Box contest!

For the first few days, we were neck-and-neck with another entry. However, we've now fallen behind by about 50 votes and only have until Sunday, April 13th at noon to catch up! All you have to do is visit our inspiration board and click 'like' - it's that easy! In fact, if every person who liked our Facebook-official engagement announcement liked our contest photo, we would be STOMPING the competition by over 200 votes! The second-place prize is $75, which would still be wonderful to win; I think I would use that money to DIY simple arrangements for the dessert bar/gift table or settle on super minimalistic maid's bouquets (I'm talking 3 hydrangea steams each and that's it). But for now I'll just maintain hope that we can pull ahead!

I did get a chance to meet with Bridget from Flowers to the People while in St Louis this past weekend, and she was just as awesome as I expected; she was completely encouraging of my DIY flower endeavor, saying that arranging bouquets "is not rocket science" (see guys, even the pro says it's doable!!). She happened to be working on some flowers that are pretty darn close to my vision and I'm now waiting on her estimate. Although free is ALWAYS better in my book, I think we have a great alternative if the Blooms by the Box contest doesn't end in our favor.

Aesthetic: Floral Conundrum

Vote for the 'Nicole & Ben' inspiration board beginning March 31st!

Wedding planning can inject a little self-doubt into even the most convicted person. I, for one, am not an OMG-we-NEED-peonies (aka one of the prettiest and most expensive blooms in current wedding floral trends) type of bride and happen to think that wedding flowers are a little over-rated. Give me a handful of carnations, I don't care. To this end, I had always figured that I would make my own bouquets. There are plenty of tutorials on the interwebs, I have a creative eye, how hard could it be? I'd go to St. Louis' floral market the day before my wedding, pick out $100 worth of whatever catches my eye, and bribe my family and bridesmaids with wine, beer, and pity to help me throw together some bouquets.

Two fatal email inquiries began changing my mind. I thought, why don't I just research a few local florists and see if anyone is especially affordable? One was, and her online reviews were pretty stellar too. She put hops in one couple's boutonnieres. She recycles vases and sources flowers from local farmers. I could pay this ultra-hip person to make me some aesthetically pleasing bouquets and use those precious hours the day before my wedding to relax with family and friends whom I only see once or twice a year (no floral tape required). Done deal if you ask me. Right? Wrong.

Blooms by the Box is one of the online wholesale flower markets I had heard was popular for brides going the DIY flower route. They ship all flower orders to their customers' door a few days in advance and have rave reviews for customer service. They also happen to be offering a contest starting next Monday, March 31st in which the person with the most 'likes' on their inspiration board will win $300 worth of flowers. As you can see from the board I made, I am really into abundant greenery paired with pretty creams. Because filler flowers are much less expensive than some of the more popular blooms, I am confident that $300 would be more than enough to create 4 maids' bouquets, a bridal bouquet, and some boutonnieres/corsages without sacrificing style (as I most certainly would have had to do if just 'winging it' the day before). I am going for it! Please help me win by following my Facebook posts for updates about when the contest begins and ends and how you can vote. 

The worst-case scenario is that I don't win and get to work with the ultra-hip florist after all. :)

DIY Tutorial: Hand-tied bouquet

It’s sunny and warm outside and I thought today would be a great day to try my hand at assembling a bouquet. Since I’ve already entered the Blooms by the Box contest for $300 worth of flowers (voting starts Monday!), I really needed to see if I’ve been over-estimating my ability to DIY bouquets, or if it’s much tougher than it looks.

If you’re a bride considering DIY flowers, it’s essential to be open-minded about your vision (that includes colors) and not expect the same results you would see from a professional floral artist. For today’s experiment, I didn’t fret too much about the specific flowers I bought; rather, I just picked up a primary bloom, accent flower, and filler in the same color family from the 3 for $12 section in my local grocery store. In the actual pre-wedding scenario, I would have a lot more selection in the St Louis “Florists’ Row” OR I would have the flowers I hope to win delivered to my door! I also grabbed some floral tape and ribbon from the craft store and a few pearl-ended bouquet pins I had sitting around.

The big difference between buying flowers at the grocery store versus a online or local wholesaler is that store-bought bouquets already have their leaves and thorns trimmed off. This saved me a lot of time; I did this whole project in around 20 minutes!

First, I took one of the big yellow flowers, the medium-size pink accent flowers, and a stem of the dyed baby's breath and arranged them into a base bouquet around which the entire arrangement will be built.

Then, I added a few stems at a time, turning the bouquet and attempting to keep it symmetrical. I like the "straight from the garden" look for these particular flowers, so I wasn't shoving the blooms as close together as you would with a rose-only bouquet, for example. [An important side-note: On a single stem of baby's breath, the little sub-stems kind of explode out at varying lengths and make it really pesky to fit in the arrangement in a symmetrical way.] Once I got it looking the way I wanted, I wrapped the stems in floral tape.

I covered the floral tape with my $1 ribbon and inserted the pins to hold it in place and tied a bow at the bottom (next time I'd start wrapping the ribbon higher up the stems, closest to the blooms, and maybe start with the bow instead). This part was probably the most challenging to do with only two hands, so I definitely learned that an assistant is essential!

Finally, I trimmed the stems to a shorter length. I already know that my bouquets will have the stems exposed rather than wrapped all the way up, since it seems easier to keep the flowers hydrated and I prefer the more natural way it looks.

Hey, not bad!

Overall, I am pleased with the result and feel reassured that with some helpers and the option to [hopefully!] choose specific Blooms by the Box flowers, the process will be easy enough to do the day before my wedding.


Note: If it isn't obvious from my amateur pictures and lack of blog design, I am not being compensated to endorse any of the vendors I mention in my posts.  

Wedding Wednesday: Appointment roundup

Some wedding decisions are easy to make from afar.

A few weeks into our engagement, my co-worker/friends shared their brilliant wedding planning tactic: Wedding Wednesday. The concept is as simple as planning together on *one* night every week and eating and/or drinking something delicious. In their case, the bride-to-be was happy to be making progress with her future husband, and the groom-to-be was happy to have a designated time period to smush all things Wedding into. It works pretty similarly for Ben and I. Everyone wins.

I'll admit that our first Wedding Wednesday was our best: we made white russians and watched The Big Lebowski (well, Ben did). We've had a lot less to decide upon since then, so our drinking has tapered off a bit. However, I did spend some time rounding up our appointments for next week when we are in St. Louis for a friend's wedding. Squeezing it all into one day will be hectic! Here's the tactical plan:

8 am. Get an E-check on Ben's car. Get some Dunkin' for me.
10 am. Meet our officiant Ruth Ellen Hasser in person for the first time at Panera (more coffee). We have Skyped with her, which helped make our decision really easy, but it's just not the same as meeting face-to-face.
11:30 ish. Meet our photographers, Amanda and Dustin at For the Moment Photography, for the first time. We also Skyped with them during the decision process and found out that they are basically the coolest people ever and that it would definitely be alright if they hung out with us on our wedding day and took some pictures. We will be discussing the logistics of doing our engagement session in Cleveland this May!
1 or 2 pm. Meet with a potential florist. Gahhhh I planned to DIY flowers, but something about this small business owner just clicked with me, and her prices and environmental philosophy are pretty awesome as well. I'll dedicate a post to DIY vs. florist another time.
3 pm ish. Check out a potential bakery that can make a Hungarian Dobos Torte (cake) and lots of pies and brownies, although I was totally planning to crowd-source homemade wedding desserts from our in-town guests. Ben initiated the dismissal of that pipe dream, but I can't say I blame him.
After. Go to Tower Grove Park to decide upon a pavilion for our cookout rehearsal dinner. It's fair to say I'm insanely excited about this idea.
6 pm. Ben attends friend's rehearsal. I power nap.

It'll definitely be a busy day, but I can't wait to meet all of these wonderful people. Although planning an out-of-town wedding takes a lot of organization, plenty of people before me have done it and we can too! What tips do you have for planning a wedding in a different state?

We Did It: Apparel

The Dream Dress that wasn't.

I'm not really planning to enter posts in my "We Did It" category in chronological order, but rather, the order I feel like telling you about it. Right now I'm especially proud of our recent shopping trip to the outlet shops in Oklahoma City, so I'll just start off by bragging.

We found Ben's wedding suit for $99.

Ben and I aren't quite formal enough for tuxes. We want our wedding party to look nice, give them flexible options, and not spend a fortune. Thus, we had already decided that the bridesmaids would choose their own navy dresses and the men would choose their own grey suits. Ben had mentioned that he wanted to stand out a bit (it's his special day too!) and search for a navy three-piece suit. So off we went, planning to look at places like Nordstrom Rack, Saks off 5th, and any other store that might have some hidden gems. The Jos. A. Bank outlet was a magical place. Right away, we found almost exactly what Ben was envisioning with a nearly perfect fit, except for the length of the coat. The manager offered to order in the long size that he needed, even granting us the in-store sale price! While I needed a little convincing and wanted to see a few other suits and stores for comparison, the first suit ended up being the one we went back to. Ben tried it on with his shoes and a tie so I could envision the whole ensemble, and my heart skipped a beat when he came out of the dressing room! GREAT success.

My dress, on the other hand, wasn't quite so straightforward and took mannnnnny shopping trips. My initial goal was to source a pre-owned or purchased-but-never-worn dress, either from a charity-run shop or website like preownedweddingdresses.com or Tradesy.com. You know, to be environmentally conscious and stuff. I also researched all of the outlet-type wedding dress stores in a 3-state region. If you've ever watched I Found the Gown on TLC, you'll know the type of store I mean: beautiful designer dresses from last season or closing boutiques find their way into the hands of gown curators, who sell them to you at a heavily-discounted price. I don't buy anything full price; why would my wedding dress be any different?

However, I also had a vision in mind: a beautiful creamy satin dress with a sweetheart neckline, cap sleeves, and dramatic low cut-out back with buttons all the way down the train, herein referred to as "Dream Dress" (or Allure Romance 2717, pictured above). I went to several appointments before deciding that I would not be able to fall in love with something until I knew whether Dream Dress was an option or not. As it turns out, the stores in Oklahoma that carry Allure did not have that sample and did not plan to get it in for their upcoming trunk shows. So, a dedicated friend and I took a little road trip to Fort Worth, TX to a store that did carry the Dream Dress, and I tried it on, and it was amazing!!!!...........in the back. The front was the single least-flattering dress I put on out of about 65 total dresses. The material was shiny and the seams did no favors. The consultant pressured me to make a decision about it that day, but I left empty-handed and knew I would not be returning.

Juxtapose that "upscale" bridal salon experience with the one I had at Sunday's Bridal, an affordable outlet store that every budget-conscious bride in the Dallas-Fort Worth area needs to check out! The owner is so sweet and the selection of off-the-rack dresses may surprise you. I tried on a beautiful Casablanca that was only $500! Although I was skeptical, I also had a great rebound appointment the next day at David's Bridal. If your style is understated and modern, check out their new Zac Posen collection, for reals.

The following weekend, 3 friends accompanied me to an appointment at Moliere Bridal in OKC. We all immediately zero-ed in on a Justin Alexander gown and took it right to the dressing room. It contained elements from each of my prior favorite dresses and I felt like myself in it. I didn't cry, but I'm pretty sure I said, "Let's do this. This dress is epic." The consultant/owner didn't pressure me with an impending timeline, which was something that had happened in every single other appointment [I get it, wedding dresses take a long time to make, I have < 1 yr engagement, I GET IT LEAVE ME ALONE]. So, with a positive experience and a skip in my step, I bought the glorious dress with no discount negotiation, no price comparison, and no reservations. The bargain hunter in me could have been more satisfied, but the dress was in my decided price range and I felt like a total Hottie McHotterson in it.

So there you have it - the quest for finding something nice to wear when we get married is complete! I am not likely to write two posts in one day again, so sorry for today's information overload. Stay tuned for my DIY veil tutorial and a post about the accessories I have selected so far!

We Did It: The Location

Choosing the location was the hardest thing we've had to do in wedding planning thus far. The conundrum is as follows: my family lives in Cleveland, where I grew up and think of fondly, and Ben's family lives in St. Louis, which he LOVES with every fiber of his being. We live outside of Oklahoma City - that's 8 hours from St. Louis and 17 hours from Cleveland. Having just finished graduate school, many of our friends live in our city, but Ben has a good amount in Missouri too. I have literally 2 friends who live in Cleveland. More than 80% of Ben's extended family lives in St. Louis; probably 1/3 of mine lives in Ohio. Are you catching the pattern here? St. Louis should have been an obvious choice, but it wasn't. Family finances, aging grandparents (on both sides), personal traveling constraints, and societal expectations ("it's supposed to be in the Bride's hometown"... yeah, and my father is supposed to trade me for livestock) made the decision especially agonizing. In the end we picked what was easiest for the greatest number of people, including ourselves. We plan to have a second reception, casual pot-luck style, in Cleveland over the holidays. I'm sorry, Lake Erie. I still love you.

Once we knew St. Louis was the most logistical choice - and Ben and I are extremely pragmatic people, so we like logistics - we had to select a venue. Our requirements were as follows: ceremony and reception have to be in the same place, no banquet halls, freedom to customize, and room rental for no more than $1000. A park setting would have been ideal for these constraints, but as meteorologists we are skeptical that the weather will just magically cooperate because it's our wedding day. Knowing we wanted a beautiful, non-suburban venue, our options had to be a little unconventional. More often than not, a Friday or Sunday wedding at a traditional wedding venue is far less expensive than the more sought-after Saturday. We also knew that going with a place that doesn't normally cater to weddings can save you major cash, as can finding a location that will allow you to bring in your own alcohol (unfortunately these are hard to come by in some cities). Thus, I set up appointments at two St. Louis venues: Plush, a concert hall with a penthouse and the 9th Street Abbey, a catering company's renovated church used for special events.

Ultimately, we chose the latter. We loved the ability to use the same beautiful indoor space for both ceremony and reception (see above), the price we could attain on a Sunday, and the professionalism that the amazing sales representatives at Patty Long Catering had already shown me in my partially insane* pre-engaged research. As an out-of-town couple, we felt more comfortable leaving the tough stuff to the professionals, even if it meant dedicating more of our budget to venue/catering than we had hoped. It took us a few days to pull off the band-aid and accept that the catering bill will be more expensive than anything either of us have ever purchased, but we are confident about our choice and feel extremely lucky to be able to get married and celebrate in such a beautiful place.

* I should clarify that doing research before a formal engagement is not actually insane; I was just a little....dedicated.... for the depth in which I did it. Always do what works for you and your fiance! As I mentioned, Ben and I are methodical people. We were both going to be in our respective hometowns for different parts of the Christmas holiday, and felt that it was necessary to check out some venues while in town (knowing that we would not be back for several months but were getting engaged in the near future). We got some strange looks and inquiries, but guess what? We were prepared to make major decisions and deposits a few weeks into our engagement, and everything has quieted into a peaceful planning lull since then. Total Wedding Zen.

Aspirations

Now that I've embarked upon this wedding blogging endeavor, I should clarify my objectives and what I hope to achieve for all 18 readers I hope to have. That's a bit academic, isn't it? Sorry not sorry.

Goals:
1. Share my planning with my friends and family near and far, especially my sister, mother and future mother-in-law, who don't really get to be as hands-on as a family living in the same city (or even state).
2. Inspire at least one person to do something outside of the box. My #1 super favorite inspiration site is A Practical Wedding, and they refer to "the box" as the Wedding Industrial Complex. The WIC is easy to both hate (why is sh!t so expensive?!) and love (hello, TLC Friday Brideday).
3. Have a running monologue to remind me of this exhilarating process on our 1st, 5th, 10th,  50th, and-beyond wedding anniversaries.

Topics:
1. Hard decisions, aka the expensive stuff. This includes our process for choosing a venue/catering, apparel, photographers, officiant, musician, etc.
2. Quandaries belonging to the modern bride. Do you have to get married in the bride's hometown? Should I change my name, and if so, how? Which traditions are important to us as a couple, and which do we throw to the wind? Are we the rudest people ever for sending e-mail invitations or having our wedding on a Sunday?
3. I'm gonna make some stuff, and if it looks good I'll show you how too. Plus, how we personally navigated when DIY is necessary and when it wasn't feasible for us.

For my web programmer/designer friends, my apologies. I do not plan to edit the code of this blog template. It will probably never be beautiful, slick, or modern, but I do hope it is informative for other brides or grooms planning their wedding!

I can't wait to get started and I hope you'll follow along!

Obfuscation

We're always the friendliest faces at a metal show.

I promised I would explain the blog's title, although many of our closest family and friends have surely detected that it is simply a play on words. However, here's what I think it could mean, if you want a prettier, metaphorical answer.

When I picture my married friends and myself, I kind of see a vast expanse of desert or empty land between us. They are on the other side of this space, married and done with their planning and their honeymoons and practicing Life As Normal. They have a lot of wedding knowledge on Their Side, piled up like mountains of Bed Bath and Beyond registry gifts wrapped in white and dark purple. Ben and I are far, far away from The Married, and at times it feels like there is an insurmountable space to traverse before we reach them and join them. The blog is the journey between The Married... and Me. Well, us. Just go with it. I'll save my "the wedding is NOT all about the bride" rant for another time.

The real explanation is that Ben and I initially bonded on an airport shuttle after discovering we both liked the progressive metal band Between the Buried and Me. Our relationship was founded on music and it continues to play a fundamental role in our lives. Simple as that. :-)

The Primer

Photo by Sean Waugh

So I'm writing a wedding blog.

We got engaged on January 10 and our wedding is on October 5. For those who don't like to count the months on their fingers, that's just shy of a 9 month engagement (insert "OMG you need *at least* a year to plan a proper wedding!" here... or don't).

It's now late March and the photographers have been selected, save-the-dates emailed, venue deposits made and wedding dress and suit purchased. Why bother detailing the planning process now?

The background story is that I did not dream of my wedding as a little girl. I didn't dress up as a bride for Halloween and I never watched any of the princess Disney movies; my mom didn't want me to grow up thinking I had to find a "Prince Charming" in order to be complete or satisfied in life (you may find this theme of independence to be a recurring one). Thus, the irony of my not-so-secret OBSESSION with wedding planning - beginning as soon as I realized I had met my life partner, which also happened to correspond to the time frame when Say Yes to the Dress and Pinterest and Wedding Gawker became things - could have been forecasted. And I was not just a pre-engaged dreamer or a pinner, either. I emailed venues for pricing and stalked photographers. I acquired charts for how much liquor, beer and juices to purchase and found every resale wedding dress shop in three different metros. I emailed my sister's high school to make sure our wedding wouldn't interfere with her senior Homecoming dance. I made an itemized budget. I was going to have the most fabulous, wallet-friendly, straight off the images of Style Me Pretty wedding - EVER.

As it turns out, wedding expectations do not often correspond with wedding reality. Some brides or grooms may have dreams too lofty for their budget, and others may be constrained by other factors such as time and location. I personally had to take a step back from Pinterest and realize that I could not, in fact, have an effortless backyard wedding under twinkling lights with a DIY cake, bar, flowers, and centerpieces. For one, we live in the Midwest and have no faith that the weather will cooperate for two meteorologists tying the knot. Second, there is an 8 hour distance between our current location and the wedding location. I can't do it all, and most of the venues we liked wouldn't let me even if I tried.

I am writing a blog now, 2.5 months into our engagement with the "big" decisions already made, to tell you about what I will craft my little heart out on. I will discuss the wedding industry pressure and cultural expectations I had to free myself from before we could take on the challenge of planning a wedding that is both personal and practical. I will write about our vendors and DIY/DIT projects and to share this process with my family who lives far away.

True story, I originally had a Pinterest board called "Elements of a Dream Wedding." I've since re-named it "A Practical Wedding" (I'll give this epic site a full-fledged shout-out in later posts). It might sound less romantic, but who says practical can't be beautiful?